


The logical choice

by nergregga



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:49:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2634074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nergregga/pseuds/nergregga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is trying very hard, and failing miserably, not to have an affair with Spock, who is getting married to Uhura, out of obligation. But as Jim's conscience catches up with him, the stakes are revealed to be much higher, than a sexually frustrated Starfleet Captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolog

**Author's Note:**

> There is a slightly updated version with better formatting here: http://ksarchive.com/viewstory.php?sid=6153

The tense posture of the Captain had not escaped his First Officer's attention. They were an hour into the negotiations, and Jim was seething. His fingers drummed against the armrest, as he glared at the ambassador. It had begun to go badly from the moment Jim had set foot on the planet. Right from the awkward silence, when Jim had stretched his hand out in greeting, and had the ambassador reprimand him for it, to the past 40 minutes of circular arguing. Despite Jim’s charm, diplomacy seemed to utterly elude him. More than half of the missions ended in diplomatic disasters, and those that didn’t, where only saved by technicalities. Spock estimated that if this trend continued, his Captain would be without a commission within 5.6 months. The Vulcan had been formulating his own theory about his captains ability to be successful as a diplomat. What it came down to, was sex; when Jim had had an orgasm, right before or during a diplomatic mission, he was considerably more relaxed, and his charm showed to its greatest advantage. Those missions however, only ended well, if his Captain had managed to choose a partner that didn't offend the people he was meant to negotiate with. Spock vividly remembered when Jim had inadvertently had intercourse with the leader of zeta 6's daughter who was to be married that same day. Starfleet had almost had him court-martialled for that. Another viable option would have been to have a relationship with a crew member, but the Captain’s failed relationship with Carol Marcus spoke against that. Jim had imposed a strict rule against fraternisation with lower ranking crew for himself, and now exclusively pursued casual sex during away missions, and shore leave. Again Spock reached the conclusion that he had reached every time he had gone through the options in his mind. It was time to talk to Jim about it.

* * *

 

 

Jim gaped at his First Officer. The words that came out of his mouth were english, but he still had a hard time comprehending them. Spock had called for an adjournment of the meeting, for which Jim was grateful, but what his best friend was trying to convey to him was mind boggling to say the least. “So, let me get this straight; you want to have sex?” he said doubtfully. Spock nodded “That is essentially what I am suggesting, even though we do not have to pursue full intercourse, or even mutual release. It is your release I am concerned about” he said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Jim shook his head, “Go see dr. McCoy when we get back to the ship, Spock.” The Vulcan’s lips got thinner. “I am not ill, captain” he said stiffly. “No, you just want to fuck your male commanding officer” said Jim. The Vulcan’s hands clenched. “As I have said we do not have to have full intercourse. Further more, only you have a self imposed fraternisation rule, and there is no issue with your gender, Captain. For this purpose such concerns are arbitrary ” he said. “Spock, you have a girlfriend. What you want to do is cheating. I do not want to get caught in the middle of a conflict between you. I am her commanding Officer too” Jim reasoned. Spock stepped closer to Jim and leaned in close. “You are my Captain, you are also my friend, I do not wish to see you lose your ship. My loyalty, and duty is to you” he said softly. Jim felt his face soften. “I can’t ask this of you” he whispered. “You don’t have to” Spock said gently, as he closed the distance to Jim’s lips and brushed a chaste kiss against them. Jim sighed. He decided that Spock had won the argument. “Very well” he said. Spock leaned in again, but Jim pulled away “No kissing, no groping, you give me a hand job, and we never speak of it again. This is not an affair, this is purely work related. Do we understand each other, commander?” he said opening his pants. The Vulcan nodded, “I should hope so, Captain. Though my understanding of human behaviour is somewhat limited, I believe that I do master English, along with several other terran languages” Jim rolled his eyes, then a slow smile crept across his face. He shook his head “Go ahead then” he said, gesturing at his exposed penis. As Spock’s hot hand closed around him, Jim he decided liked this arrangement already.


	2. Chapter 1

There was something different in Spock’s eyes, as he approached him. They seemed softer, and Jim knew the Vulcan was inwardly smiling at him. His heart did a little backflip of joy, as it did every time Spock showed affection toward him. “Captain, I wish to discuss something with you. Will you come with me?” he asked. “Of course. Lead the way” Jim said, already feeling giddy with anticipation. He knew exactly what Spock wanted. It was the same he wanted. It was what he looked forward to when he went on away missions; stolen moments with his first officer. He followed the Vulcan through the long halls of the monastery. Their footsteps rang through the empty hall as they walked quickly through them. Spock let them both into a small room with a cushioned bench near a curtained window. He opened the curtains, and warm rays of an afternoon sun bathed the room. Jim stepped closer to the window. The view was breath taking. He looked over at Spock. The Vulcan's skin had taken on a warmer hue in the sun, and his eyes reflected the golden light, making them paler. For a while Jim just studied his friend's face, as if it was the first time he had really seen it. There was slight stubble on his chin, that made him look older. The young man let out a little chuckle as he imagined Spock with a full beard. The normally straight lips parted slightly when Jim let his fingers brush Spock's cheek. It felt warm, and ever so slightly corse. The Vulcan closed his lips slightly on the finger tips as they traced his lips. The fingers stroked the edge of a pointed ear, before Jim let his hand drop from Spock's face. Needing to compose himself for a moment, he turned and looked out of the window. “This planet is so beautiful. I wonder if the Teuthisians would consider making money on tourists” he said, then a thought occurred to him. “Spock, you should take Uhura here when you are married. Provided I don’t screw up again.” His face darkened slightly at the thought. Spock placed a hand on the small of Jim’s back. “Jim you have not ’screwed up’ in 1 year, 2 months and 23 days. I do not think It is likely that you will cause diplomatic incident at this time. You have matured considerably lately” he said matter-of-factly. Jim smiled, and leaned into the hand. “You know what, Spock? When I met you I would have said you weren’t a smooth talker, but that is a big misconception, isn’t it, mr Spock?” he teased. “One among many I have sought to rectify, Jim” Spock said close to His ear. The young man shuddered, then he turned, and embraced the Vulcan. “Oh yeah, what other misconceptions?” he said cupping the back of Spock’s head, scratching the soft short hair. “For one, it is a misconception, that Vulcans do not find pleasure in kissing” Spock mumbled, as he closed the distance between them, and kissed the smiling lips. After a few increasingly heated kisses, Spock said, “We would be more comfortable here” he gestured at the bench. Jim nodded, and allowed Spock to push him down on to it. They kissed, and let their hands roam each other's bodies. Two Starfleet issue tunics and an undershirt hit the floor without much ceremony. The younger man allowed Spock to lie between his parted legs, while he explored the exposed skin beneath him with his mouth. Soon moans reverberated in the room. Lips and tongue teased his nipples. A hot hand reached between them and began to trace the bulge in Jim’s pants. He arched up into the touch. It felt so good, but he didn't want it to end with just his own orgasm; he wanted Spock to feel this good too.

When Jim felt Spock open his pants and release his erection, he gently stopped him. “Spock, I want you” he gasped. The Vulcan stiffened. He searched Jim’s face. “You have me?” he said with a puzzled expression. “No Spock, I mean get naked, I want to have proper sex with you.” Jim said, when his friend still looked doubtful, he continued “Yes, I know what I said, Things change. Come on, Spock, take me” He let his eyes smoulder in the way that never failed in getting him exactly what he wanted. One of the Vulcans eyebrows quirked. “Very well” he said. He pushed the pants all the way down to Jim's knees. Bending down he got rid of the boots that hindered him from undressing the other man all the way. The Vulcan opened his own pants. He looked at Jim with naked want, and a slight note of challenge in his eyes.  Jim nodded, and let the Vulcan lie down on top of him. They began moving together. Jim parted his legs, letting Spock get even closer. Their erections rubbed against each other. Jim reached between them grabbing them both. Spock threw his head back, inviting his neck to be kissed. He thrust his hips against Jim’s in a pace that would soon send them both over the edge. All too soon climax washed over Spock, who shuddered and came. Immediately he reached for Jim’s cock and stroked it until, a few moments later, Jim came with a strangled shout muffled by Spock’s neck. They sagged against each other, and kissed furiously. Spock composed himself, disentangled from Jim, and proceeded to clean them both up. 

They got dressed, and sat beside each other not talking. Jim tried basking in the after glow, but as good as making love to Spock had felt, the twinge of guilt in the back of Jim’s mind, stopped him from being fully content. "Making love" Jim's mind reeled at the thought. Spock had just made love to him. Spock, who had a fiancee, who was getting married later that year. It always broke his heart even as Spock kept kissing his neck, nibbling on his ear lobe, and sliding his hands under Jim's tunic. It felt nice, very nice. It always did. Jim knew he had to stop things before they went too far, but he had just let that happen. He was now having a full blown affair with his First Officer, and his conscience didn't like it. He might be a slut, but James T. Kirk wasn't a home wrecker. Well, he was, but he loved Spock, and respected his fiancee too much for him to feel good about it. Uhura was beautiful, intelligent, and she understood Spock better than anyone else. She had also been patient, and understanding of all the nights her boyfriend had spent by his bedside. He fully understood why Spock loved her. He wasn't going to get in the way of that. As long as it had been about a quick, somewhat clinical hand job and a firm agreement never to speak of it, jim was fine with it. It was barely even cheating. What he wasn't fine with, was being caught in the middle of a conflict between two important members of his crew. It wasn't professional, and he was goddamn hypocrite, he sternly reminded himself. Jim pulled Spock's hand away from his inner thigh, where it was rubbing lazy patterns. "What about Uhura?" His first officer blinked, clearly taken aback. He looked down for a moment. A look of unguarded annoyance briefly manifested itself on Spock’s face. It was gone almost as soon as Jim had noticed it. Spock took a breath, then answered. “She is not here” he said, as he tried to kiss Jim again. "Commander, stop!” The use of his formal title, made the Vulcan freeze. He pulled away, and looked slightly sheepish for a moment, if that could be said in fairness about a Vulcan. Jim took Spock's hand and stroked it with his thumb. He smiled reassuringly. “Spock, that was amazing, but we don't have time for more. I have to play diplomat in a moment, remember?”

They sat together for a little while longer, still holding hands. Then they heard footsteps, and a familiar southern drawl,“Jim, Spock, Where are you?” McCoy sounded irritated. Jim Squeezed Spock’s hand then let go, and stood up. A moment later McCoy burst into the room. He stopped short as he took in his Captain and First Officer. He narrowed his eyes. Jim tried his best to look like he had been briefing Spock on something work related. By the look on McCoy’s face, he was failing miserably. “Bones!” he said, in a much higher pitch than he had intended. “Spock was just showing me...” He broke off feigning a coughing fit; he had no idea how to explain this, without it sounding like they had been doing exactly, what they had been doing. Spock saved him. “I was showing the Captain some relaxation techniques. Your noisy arrival evidently caused him to startle thus rendering my efforts futile. In the future you might want to show more restraint before entering a room” he explained, using his most supercilious tone. The doctor bristled at Spock. “All right, Commander. I get it, you were braiding each other's hair, and I interrupted your mutual admiration fest again,” he spat back, turning his attention to Jim, he continued,”n’Thilchim wants to speak with you before the council, Captain.” Jim nodded.“ Very well, Dr. McCoy, lead the way. Spock” He gestured for his First Officer to follow him. The three men left, Jim and Spock was walking so close to each other, that their shoulders occasionally brushed.


	3. Chapter 2

McCoy was watching Jim and Spock. Jim was exuding authority and benevolence as he listen to n’Thilchim speak. The High Priest and the Captain had been quick to build up a good rapport. The tall willow thin vaguely, humanoid Teuthisian had seemed to take a liking to Jim almost immediately. His rubbery skin had taken on the blue shade of contentment, and his tentacles were flailing with good humour. It had put the rest of n’Thilchim’s court at ease. The council was progressing better than expected. There had already been an agreement about trade between the Teuthisians and the Federation, and now they were discussing membership. Spock was looking intently at his Captain, ignoring everything else. Every now and again McCoy thought he saw a slight flicker of emotion in the dark brown eyes. It was a look that McCoy had noticed for a while now. At first he had dismissed it as admiration, but gradually he had begun to become convinced that it was love. That Jim felt the same way, was evident from the radiant smiles he only smiled at Spock. The two men were a highly effective command team; each seemed to know the other’s mind. McCoy couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. He had been Jim’s best friend, but that had changed after Khan. Jim had died and Spock had cried for him on the other side of the glass. Everything had changed after that. Still, the closeness between the two made him uneasy. It wasn’t that McCoy minded personally who Jim slept with. In fact, he would rather that Jim slept with Spock than some random person. But Spock was engaged to Uhura, and they were actively planning their wedding, at least, or at least he thought so, but the rumours had started again. At first he had dismissed them. Uhura wasn't that kind of woman. After what he had heard lately though, McCoy wasn’t so sure anymore.

And then there was his sneaking suspicion, that the First Officer had done more than simply give his Captain a quick helping hand, as he usually did on diplomatic missions. The two men had disappeared for a couple of hours, as usual, perhaps a bit earlier now he thought about it. McCoy never went looking for them, and made sure that nobody else from the landing party did either. It wasn't anybody’s business. But apparently Teuthisians were an inquisitive species, and it was clear that the landing party was under surveillance. Not out of mistrust, but the giant cephalopoid creatures simply hadn't come across humanoids before, and found them fascinating. What ever had happened in that room, it had caused the whole monastery to become alive with excitement; flailing tentacles, and the rapid colour change of rejoicing galore. n'Thilchim had asked him, if he thought the two commanding officers would be willing to grant them another offering later because the first, while appreciated, wasn't carried out correctly. McCoy had, of course, offered to take Jim to him, so the High Priest could ask them himself.

* * *

 

Spock walked through the monastery privately admiring the beauty of the intricate architecture. He had never seen anything so delicately carved, yet so solid and fortresslike at the same time. Stopping at a window, he took in  the strange, breathtaking beauty of Teuthis 4: Tall heavily wooded mountains rose steeply out of vast oceans. Two full moons were reflected in the calm water. Some flowering tree shed tiny white petals, that whirled in the slight breeze. Spock’s thoughts strayed to Jim, and how irresistible  he had looked writhing beneath him. The air and the sense of tranquility had lowered Spock’s barriers. Today, he and Jim had lain together just like he wanted to. Spock had touched and kissed his T’hy’la, like he couldn’t afford to do; he wanted Jim even more now. There was no denying it now.  Spock knew time was running out, he would have Jim, and let Jim have him; just for a little while. Jim would understand his reasons, when the time came, when he had to end their affair. His wonderful, sensual, infuriating Captain wouldn’t fail him.  He hadn't been with anybody so hungry for his touch before. Not even, when he and Nyota had started their relationship. Guilt and shame rolled over him as he thought of her. He loved her, or at least had loved her once. He was ashamed that he didn't anymore.  She was an admirable woman; a wife he could be proud of. He thought about his obligation to the Vulcan Colony. She was the logical choice. Sarek had made it clear, that he wished Spock to marry her, instead of women from the colony. His father had married for love, and wanted that for Spock, but he also wanted grandchildren, and for his son to embrace Vulcan values. Nyota, with her vast understanding of other cultures had impressed Sarek when he had first met her. He had given them his blessing to bond that same visit. That was before Khan, before their relationship had cooled.  Spock knew he had no logical reasons to break the engagement, except that he didn’t love her like she deserved. He hoped being bond mates would put things right between them again.

His thoughts were interrupted by a squelching, popping sound behind him. When he turned around, he found himself face to face with n’Thilchim. His skin was undulating with swirling bands of colour. The big round, wet eyes regarded the Vulcan with benevolence. After a while the Teuthisian spoke. It was a wonder that the noises that were being uttered could even be called speech. It was an even bigger wonder that the words were understandable without a translator. “I see that you are admiring my world. We price a sense of aesthetic highly. Even though you humanoid's physical forms leave something to be desired, I have noted that you and your Captain both possess this ability. I grant you permission to go to the worship garden on top of the mountain.” Spock bowed his head. “That is most gracious of you. I am honoured” He followed the High priest as he moved along the long hallway, and up a long flight of stairs. When they reached the top, the Teuthisian turned and spoke again in his rasping, and squelching voice, “Here, I must ask you to remove your coverings. And remind you that spawning in the Pool of Origin is not only permitted, but desirable, and customary.” n’Thilchim’s eyes seemed to twinkle with humour in the dim light, as he continued. “I understand that humanoid species spawn at will. It would honour us greatly if you made another offering.” He made his squelching way back down the stairs leaving Spock behind. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. He uttered a, “Fascinating” as he undressed. Spock didn't know if he could comply with the High Priest's request; he found the most pleasure in giving it to others, and did not as a rule masturbate. Naked he made his way into the garden. It truly was beautiful. Several kinds of flowers bloomed in the moonlight. Some undulated in colour like the High Priest's skin. The air was thick with the small white petals, that floated like snowflakes in the wind. In the middle of the garden was a round pool. In the water sat the figure of a relaxed, blond, and very naked Star fleet Captain.

* * *

Jim heard the soft rustle of Spock approaching on bare feet. He hadn’t doubted for a moment that n’Thilchim would bring Spock to this place. The High Priest hadn’t been fooled by Jim’s assurances, that it wasn’t that way between Spock and himself. Some of his court had seen them, and he had made many humorous allusions to Jim's failure to spawn in the correct place. So, he was going to make love to his friend again, right here in this garden. To choose not to, would not only ruin a day's work, but be a decision he would regret the rest of his life. He would to take what he could get, even though it would break his heart when they returned to the enterprise and the reality of Spock's fiancee. Jim opened his eyes and took in the naked form of his First Officer. He was beautiful in the pale moonlight. They both hardened at the sight of each other's bodies. Jim smiled lazily “Have you been sent here to spawn, Mr Spock?” Spock raised an eyebrow, “Evidently, Captain.” The Vulcan entered the water. It wasn’t very deep, and to Spock’s obvious relief, it was warm too. He waded over and sat down next to Jim. They sat together silently in the sacred water. Their hands clasped at their own accord. Jim leaned his head on Spock’s shoulder. Eons seemed to go by before Jim broke the silence. “Spock, it looks like we are having an affair, after all” He said. Spock frowned slightly. “Have we not had that since deneb 4?” Jim shook his head. "No, That didn’t count. I barely let you kiss me, It was very hard stopping you. I love kissing you.” Jim said quietly. Spock shifted so that he faced his Captain. He drew Jim to him clutching him to his chest. Revelling in the feeling of being skin to skin, they let their hands explore. Spock looked deep into the blue of Jim’s eyes, then he leaned forward capturing his lips with his own. For a while they just kissed, then Jim straddled Spock’s lap. Spock cupped Jim’s buttocks and pressed him closer to his groin. Their erections slid against each other, causing them both to moan. Spock began to probe Jim carefully with his fingers. He took his time preparing his lover. The pool wasn't an ideal place for this. Jim moaned and writhed against Spock as he clung to him. He couldn't wait anymore. "Spock, please. Let's just do it. I don't think I can get any more ready" he said, wrapping his legs around Spock's waist. The first penetration was agonisingly slow. It hurt a little, but Jim didn't care. Soon Spock began to move slowly inside him. It was pure bliss. They were both so engrossed in their lovemaking, that they didn’t notice the glistening, reflective eyes of many Teuthisians who stood in the shadows all around them, watching them bring each other to climax. Again, and again until the sky changed colour.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter3

A week later, there was a bran muffin neatly placed on a napkin on his desk. Jim felt warm all over. It was not that he loved bran muffins, but knowing who had put it there, made his heart do another little back flip. McCoy had put him on a diet, so he was choking down his oatmeal every morning. Jim hated the unappetising slop. It was a slow laborious process to eat up as ordered, and It had been even harder this week. That was partly because he hadn’t seen much of his best friend. Jim had ordered Spock to spend more time with Uhura. The Vulcan had obeyed, but Jim's intention of bringing the couple closer together was a failure; a stony faced Spock had been sitting next to a disgruntled looking Uhura, who had been shooting daggers at her captain, every morning for the past seven days. He had caught Spock looking at him, just as many times as Spock had caught Jim looking at him. Jim picked up the muffin and peeled the wrapper off. He took a bite. It was good for a replicated muffin. There was something written on the napkin. It was a replicator override code and a note from Spock. “

> Captain. It would be advisable not to use this, while the doctor is looking. He refuses to listen to my assurances that you are in peak physical condition, and that you are fully capable of making sound nutritional decisions on your own. Spock.
> 
>  

Jim smiled and took another bite. This was part of why he loved his friend. After copying the code to his Padd, he started doing his paperwork. There was a lot of it, mostly bureaucratic stuff, that Jim thought, was probably designed to make commanding officers look busy. He briefly wondered if it got worse with higher rank. If that were the case, maybe he shouldn’t aspire to be the youngest admiral in starfleet history, he thought, finishing the muffin. He wished Spock would come and keep him company as he usually did, but he knew that the Vulcan wouldn’t disobey a direct order. Jim yawned, as he reread the same passage for the fifth time. It was a lot easier with a first officer, who cleared his throat demonstratively every time his eyes drifted shut. There was a buzz at his door, and Uhura came Striding through it. The dark skinned woman looked murderous; her mouth a thin line. She stopped in front of the desk. Jim felt his panic mounting. ‘She knows’ his mind screamed. He did his best to compose himself. “You wanted something Lieutenant?” he asked, his voice sounding relatively normal. “Yes, I want to know why you are being mean to Spock?” she said. Jim’s mind boggled “I am being mean to Spock?” he asked, doubtfully. “Yes, you idiot. You haven’t spent time with him all week. I found him moping in our quarters just now” She said, eyes wide and imploring. Jim frowned. “So, you guys haven’t been spending more time together?” Uhura sighed “So that’s what this is about?” Jim nodded. She looked defeated. “Look Jim, as I’ve been telling everybody else lately, including Sarek: I’m having pre-wedding jitters to work through. I just need some space for a while. We’ll be fine. Please, let him sleep here for a couple of nights.” she pleaded. Jim felt a short surge of relief followed by guilt, Uhura didn’t know what she was asking. How could she? He nodded slowly. Her face lit up in a brilliant smile. She walked around the desk, and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Captain. I’ll go tell him. It’s gonna make his week.” She said and walked out of his quarters. Half an hour later he was making out with Spock on his bunk.

* * *

 

The Doctor was drinking a late cup of coffee when he was joined by the communications Officer. McCoy thought she looked more relaxed than she had all week. She sipped her own tea.  He realised what was different; no Spock. “Where is your fiancee?” he asked. Nyota grimaced. “I don't know, probably with Kirk” she shrugged. He frowned “Don’t tell me you are having second thoughts, Nyota” he said. “Oh, not only second thoughts, but third, and fourth thoughts as well” she admitted. “Why are you marrying him then?” he asked, leaning forward. “Sarek, Spock’s father” she answered “He calls me on regular basis, and tells me not to break up with Spock” McCoy frowned “But Spock could marry someone else couldn’t he?” Uhura nodded. “Yes, but there are some biological reasons why Spock needs to get hitched soon. If not me, he would have to marry one of the women in the colony” she explained. “So?” he urged. She sighed “He would probably have to leave Starfleet to raise a family. Could you imagine the Captain’s reaction if that happen? Not to mention what a waste of a great officer that would be” she concluded looking a bit dejected. “I see” McCoy sipped his coffee again. After a little pause he said, “If only Vulcan allowed same sex marriage, he could marry Jim.”  Uhura Chuckled bitterly “He would love that.  If Spock considered that a possibility, he would have kicked me to the curb long ago” She shook her head, and rolled her eyes. Suddenly she looked at the doctor. “You would tell me, if you knew that Jim and Spock were fucking, right?” she demanded. McCoy felt his stomach dropping. “Sweetheart, I…” he began, but she cut him off. “Don’t spare me, I already know. I just need you to confirm it, if you know something” she said firmly. Slowly not looking at her, he nodded. “It has been going on for quite a while. I don’t actually think they slept together till last away mission” he confessed. Uhura drew a steadying breath. “How long?” she whispered. Before he could answer she waved it away, and stood up “You know what? Actually, I don’t want to know. Now if you would have me excused I have a call to make” she said before storming out of the mess hall. McCoy muttered something about irresponsible fools, and pointy eared bastards under his breath, and drained the rest of his coffee 

* * *

Jim reached over and stroked Spock’s cheek. He had woken up before the Vulcan. Lying in the dark in Spock’s arms, he could almost believe he had everything he ever wanted. They had made love all that night, making up for a week apart. Jim was deliciously sore. The Vulcan’s eyelids fluttered, then he opened his eyes. “Hey” Jim whispered. Spock kissed him softly. “You are insatiable, T’hy’la.” he said. Jim drew Spock on top of him, feeling the Vulcans erection against his thigh. “So are you.” He smiled. “Affirmative” Spock grunted against his lips.

* * *

 

 

The next morning they resumed eating breakfast together. It was hard keeping their hands off each other. Spock had discretely taken Jim’s hand under the table. He let go as soon as Uhura entered the mess. She smiled as she walked over and kissed Spock on the lips, and  Jim on the cheek. “Spock, I’ve been thinking about asking Christine to go with us to Vafer Tor, you should invite Jim along too” she said. “That sounds agreeable. Captain, are you amendable?” Spock said, briefly touching Jim’s thigh under the table. Jim felt slightly taken aback by the question. He felt bad about Spock betraying that level of trust, but he felt even worse when the thought struck him that she simply didn’t care. Spock cared about her, at least he thought so. He understood less and less why they were getting married. “Jim?” Spock asked. “Yes, of course, that would be… nice” he squeaked as a hand squeezed his inner thigh again. “Great, shall I inform Sarek?” Uhura asked. Spock nodded.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters contain angst

 

Jim looked at Nyota’s friend who was sitting across from him in the hover limo. He sincerely hoped this wasn’t some ploy to set him up with her. He tried Smiling at her, but she didn't respond. Christine was beautiful, and intelligent, but she just wasn’t his type. His type sat right next to him. Every now and again, their knees bumped together with the movements of the vehicle . Every time it happened, Jim got a small jolt of pleasure from the contact. Spock was looking out of the window. The two women sat stony faced and quiet across from them. Occasionally they shot each-other a worried glance. Every time Jim or Spock had tried to start a conversation, the uncharacteristic solemnness of the women quickly stifled any attempt. The air seemed thick, making each breath an effort. Jim was beginning to regret spending his shore leave like this. This week could not end fast enough. He looked out of the window, on to the desert landscape. Jim’s eyelids got heavy. Leaning his head against the glass, he fell asleep. He dreamt about full moons and dark brown eyes. A warm hand clasping his roused him. “Jim, we are nearly at our destination.” Spock said softly. Jim blinked and looked around. The scenery outside the windows had changed. The desert had been replaced by tall buildings. Spock began pointing some of them out to him. It wasn’t until the vehicle  stopped in front of Sarek’s house, jim became aware that Spock hadn’t let go of his hand.

* * *

It was a relief to get out of the limo. Spock had stopped to pick some ripe tomatoes that grew in the garden behind the house. He offered one to Jim. He watched with fascination when his friend brought the red fruit to his lips. A small trickle of juice ran down Jim’s chin as he bit into it. Spock felt the illogical urge to trace it with his tongue. Jim caught his eyes. He smiled and wiped his face with his sleeve. Sarek had left Spock to give Jim a tour of the house and the garden, he had planted to honour his late wife. The Ambassador had taken the two women with him, leaving the two men alone. They continued to walk leisurely through the garden. Occasionally Spock would point some plant out to Jim, and Jim would smile and nod, as he good-naturedly feigned interest. 

 

They were getting closer to a screened off part of the garden. It was primarily used for meditation, but Spock knew from experience, that the room had other uses. The only time he had seen his parents engage in human kissing, had been in a similar room in their old house on Vulcan. He had watched them until his mother had seen him. Instead of getting angry, they had called him over to sit between them on the bench. They had explained that physical intimacy was essential for a healthy marriage, even for Vulcans. It had been one of the few times he could remember Sarek, touching him with affection as a child. He sat in the rebuild room with Sarek talking about his mother when he had last been visiting him. Later, during the same visit he had spent a very pleasant afternoon there with Nyota. It had been when he had still loved her, when intimacy had been easy between them. Now, Spock was taking Jim to the same room. He had a desire to be with Jim there; to undress and touch his friend until he came undone. Spock loved seeing Jim that way. It had been a while since they had made love. Between missions, Nyota, and arranging the visit to Vafer Tor there hadn't  been time. Spock had felt Jim’s desire for his touch when he had held his hand. Jim looked around the small room appreciatively . “I never knew Vulcans had love nests. I mean, I know this room is meant for meditation, but it almost screams quicky. Have you taken Uhura here? If not, you definitely should. I could go somewhere with Christine, while you get reacquainted with your future wife” he said. Spock pressed close to him, whispering against his ear. “You are here now, Jim. We are alone, and I desire you. Get undressed” he gestured at the bench.

 

Jim’s fists clenched for an instant and he stepped back with a pained look in his eyes. “Spock, as tempting as that might be, we both know we shouldn’t. You are my best friend and you are marrying a gorgeous, intelligent woman, who is going to make you so much happier than I ever could. I can’t let you throw this away so easily. Unless it’s...” He paused looking directly into Spock’s eyes.  “Unless It’s not what you want anymore.” He concluded in a quiet voice. Spock sat down on the bench. This was not a conversation he wished to have in that particular room. “It matters little what I want. What I want is not logical. Nyota is the logical choice for a wife. She is everything you have said, and more. Still, I find that my desires lie elsewhere. ” He said bitterly.” Jim frowned. Spock had an urge to smooth the creased forehead with his lips. “I am sorry, but I’m ending our affair, Spock. You can keep cheating on her with somebody else, or you can be faithful to her. I don’t care, It’s been lovely, but I won’t be the other man. I deserve better, so does she, and so do you.” Jim had crouched down to look Spock in the eyes. Spock looked away. He hadn’t expected the end to hurt, and yet, he felt like some part of him was dying. Tears of shame and sorrow were threatening to spill over. “Spock, look at me” Jim commanded. Slowly he looked at his friend. Spock could see his own feelings mirrored in Jim’s eyes. “I love you, Spock. It will kill me inside, watching you with her.  If you are determined to go through this charade, then I will need some time to get over this” he said. “Do you not think, I would change things if I could?” Spock said in a shaky reproachful voice. He was losing control. “Would you? Then why haven’t you? If you change your mind, you know what you have to do” Jim said his mouth a thin line. Spock felt his control slipping further. “I cannot” he said. He felt a tear running down his cheek. Jim let out a small choked sound, then he turned away from Spock. “This really sucks, Spock, goddamn it” he mumbled.   

Using all his willpower Spock got his emotions subdued. After all, it was logical. He had no rightful claim on Jim; he was marrying Nyota. Jim deserved to be happy.   For a brief moment he felt angry at logic, then he chastised himself for having such a preposterous thought. He stared into space, trying to shut the world around him out. “Captain, if you would kindly leave me. I wish to meditate” he said, but Jim was already gone. 


	6. Chapter 5

Dinner that night wasn’t pleasant. The two women who had spent the afternoon at the market, seemed even more tense than they had done in the shuttle. Spock refused to look at Jim. Sarek kept glancing at his future daughter in law. Uhura was pushing the food around on her plate, and kept squirming in her seat. Christine sat frozen to the spot looking at her friend, as if waiting for some cue. Finally, the tension broke, as Uhura threw her fork down with a small ‘clink’. She stood up. “Spock, I want to speak with you alone.” Her voice sounded shaky, like she was about to cry. Spock rose at once looking at his fiancee in alarm. “Certainly, Nyota, Ashyam.” He didn’t seem to notice her flinch at the endearment. Christine, who Jim now realised were there to support Uhura, bolted out of the room. She was heard scrambling around in the guest room, she shared with the other woman. When she emerged, a short while later she was carrying both their luggage.

* * *

 

“Spock, are you sleeping with Jim?” Nyota asked. Her voice was steady, eyes hard. Spock stiffened, and looked away. “I was, but he has ended our liaison this afternoon” he said quietly. The Vulcan sat down on the bench. Defeated he looked up at her. “I do apologise for my weakness, it will not happen again. I promise you that” he said gesturing for her to sit on the bench. She remained standing crossing her arms. Spock felt the coldness emanate from her. She was leaving him. He couldn’t say it was a surprise, or that he was even distressed about it. Except, that he felt uneasy about the consequence, that he would likely be forced to bond with a woman from the colony, and it would likely happen before he left. He would have to ask Jim for an extended leave. All of a sudden the reality of what a bonding meant dawned on him. The closeness he had with Jim would be destroyed; there would be no room for it in the bond. “Nyota?” She nodded. “Spock, I’m  sorry” she said, tears moistening her eyes. Spock felt the beginnings of anger in the pit of his stomach. “Does Sarek know?” he asked struggling to keep his voice neutral. “Why do you think I wanted Kirk to come along, Spock?” Nyota asked in a scathing voice. Anger escalated in to cold fury. “What have you told him?” he hissed. He stopped himself from calling her something extremely derogatory. “Only the truth, Spock, that you are too ashamed of” She said as she walked closer to him. “What I have suspected for a long time, What I have tried to convince Sarek of, that I finally have proof of” she leaned up and whispered, “You are only bonding with me, to avoid leaving Starfleet” He rounded on her grabbing her wrists “How dare you? I loved you and desired you!” He spat. “Not like you desire Kirk. Do you think it has been easy watching you look at him like that?” She spat back. “Is that why you sleep with the Chief Engineer?” Spock asked, still restraining her. Her eyes widened, and she went slack in his grasp. “You know?” she stuttered. He let go of her. “Since you first entertained fantasies about him” he turned his back on her. “I tried to be everything you wanted, so you wouldn’t go to him, but you still did. I never mentioned it in the hope that it would cease. In the end I knew that bonding would end your liaison for good” There was quiet for a while. Then Nyota let out a choked sob. “I am sorry. I should have realised. What about Kirk? Was he only a way to get back at me?” she said. Spock shook his head “Not exactly. I have very strong feelings for Jim, as he has for me. I wanted to have him just for a little while, until I had to commit to a bond” he turned around and looked at her tearstained face. “But you could bond with Kirk” she said frowning. “I could, if Vulcan hadn’t been destroyed. I doubt the Elders would allow such a thing, It is not logical to bond with a mate who cannot have children, when our society needs to be rebuilt” he said. Nyota opened her mouth, but Spock waved her away. “Do not say anymore, done is done”    

* * *

Mean while in the house, Jim looked at Sarek for an explanation. “What the hell is going on?” The Vulcan’s face betrayed no emotion. “I Believe Nyota is terminating her relationship with Spock. She has expressed some doubts about the arrangement for the past year. I have pleaded with her to reconsider, as I was convinced of my sons affection for her.” The Vulcan, said, as he looked into Jim’s eyes “I was convinced that he would be devastated if he was to lose such a beneficial relationship. I have however learned otherwise. Is that not so Captain? Have you not engaged in fornication with Spock?” Jim felt his heart plummet. He buried his face in his hands. “Oh god, shit. Ambassador, I am so sorry.” Jim muttered. He sat quietly, feeling the full impact of what had just happened; Spock’s relationship with Uhura beyond salvation, and the relationship with his father teetering on the edge of alienation. “I am not angry, as anger is a human emotion, Vulcans do not possess. There will however be consequences. Homosexual marriage is rare, but not unheard of for Vulcans. It is not considered desirable, but is preferable to being unbonded. While some would argue that there are several women without mates in the colony, Spock would not stay on Vafer Tor, if he bonded with one of them. He would leave with you, leaving his mate to raise his offspring alone. I will not permit that. It is crucial that our children are raised in stable families. If the other Elders agree, you will become Spock’s mate. The choice is not yours, or Spock’s. You have both forfeited that right.  Is that clear, Captain?” Jim felt himself shrivel under the scrutiny of the Vulcan. He loved Spock, but he hated the idea of being forced into a marriage, where he was the shameful choice. He bit his lip, considering his options. He wanted to talk to Spock about this, to ask him if he still wanted him. Finally, he nodded. “That is well, James. I shall speak with the Elders. I know I have the support of at least some of them. One in particular I know you are acquainted with, will be in favour of it. The others may need some persuasion” Sarek informed him, then left. Nyota came in shortly after. She walked up to Jim and hugged him. Her mascara had run. She pressed a light kiss to his cheek. She left without a word. Jim went looking for Spock. 

He found his friend on the bench. The Vulcan didn’t look up as he approached. Jim sat down next to Spock wrapping his arms around him. He pressed a soft kiss into the sleek black hair. Spock looked up, catching Jim’s eyes. Jim smiled at Spock. “Well, your farther has informed me, that we are tying the knot.” The Vulcan didn’t answer. Jim stroked Spock’s cheek. “Spock, I love you. I’m yours, if that is what you want” he said softly. He stood up to leave, but a strong hand stopped him.

 

 

 


	7. chapter 6

It was getting very hard not to touch Spock, but Sarek had encouraged them not to engage in further intimacy before a decision about their future had been made. The Vulcan’s exposed neck begged to be kissed. He was bent over an ancient volume of a book. Jim squirmed in his seat. He tried again to read the Terran book he had been provided with. It was an old edition of David Copperfield, Spock had taken with him to the academy. He had brought his entire book collection with him on the first visit to the Colony, so that his father had been able to rebuild his library. Jim hadn’t progressed very far into the story. He couldn’t concentrate. Nervous anticipation coursed through his body. The rest of the Elders including Spock’s older counterpart would be joining them later this afternoon. It was crucial Jim showed himself from his best side, to ensure goodwill in allowing the bonding. The actual bonding, if agreed to, would take place in two weeks. Most of his command crew, with a few notable exceptions would join them, as would key Starfleet personal, including Jim’s mother. The past week had been a long time not to be allowed to touch Spock, especially, as Jim spend most of his days alone with him. “Spock, I’m going for a run” he said, giving up on the book. “Very well” Spock said, only briefly looking up from his own. Jim got up. He hesitated wondering if kissing his lovers cheek, would be a horrible breach of the “no-sex-in-my-house-before-you-are-officially-engaged” rule Sarek had laid down. He approached Spock, who looked up from his book. “You could join me” Jim said hopefully. His lovers eyes smouldered for a moment. “Go for your run, Jim, I must meditate” he said softly. Disappointed, Jim squeezed Spock’s shoulder, and left.

* * *

“We have no further reservations about the marriage of Spock son of Sarek, and James son of George, provided that Spock makes the donation to our fertility hospital as agreed to” T’Pau said. The formidable Matriarch regarded the two young men. Her face betrayed no outward emotion, but the room held a general air of approval. The Elders had deliberated for less than an hour, before coming to an unanimous decision to let the two men bond. Spock reached for Jim’s hand brushing his index, and middle fingers against his lover’s in the gesture, Jim had now learnt, was the equivalent of a kiss. It was brief, but Jim smiled at Spock. It was the first time in several days they had done any sort of kissing. There were no disapproval on the Elders’ faces. Jim thought he saw pride in Sarek’s eyes, and he knew he saw joy in the eyes of Spock’s older counterpart, now known as Selek. The Elders soon departed, with the exception of Selek, Who was invited to dine with Sarek that evening. The two older Vulcans left the room. Jim turned to Spock. “So, am I allowed to touch you now?” he said leaning towards Spock, who nodded and met him halfway. They kissed in the human way. Spock allowed himself a small smile as they pulled apart. He reached for Jim’s fly. “Spock, your father...” he began but was cut of by Spock’s lips. Spock slid his hand down his underwear, and began to caress Jim’s penis. Soon his hand stroked him firmly, occasionally running his thumb over the head. Jim gasped into his mouth. It was so good, but it would end very soon. His hips arched up into Spock’s touch. The hand around him twisted in an unsuspected way, and he came with a muffled shout. Jim sagged down into the chair. Spock got up, and came back with a damp cloth he used to thoroughly clean them both. He sat down next to Jim and took his hand. “So, It’s official, we are getting married” he said, squeezing Spock’s hand, then he chuckled softly. “I never thought I was the marrying type, but here I am marrying my male First Officer” he said looking fondly at Spock.  “Jim, if I had not felt your eagerness for a bond, I would have refused my father’s request. I have behaved selfishly. I should have released Nyota from her commitment, when I felt her interest shift to someone else, but I was jealous and angry. What is worse, I used you as a way to punish her. For that I am sorry” the Vulcan said. Jim reached up to stroke Spock’s cheek. “Do you love me, Spock, or are you trying to do, what you think is right?” he asked softly. “Jim I am not accustomed to expressing  my feelings verbally, therefore I must ask you to consider our couplings, or love making, as you call it, it as declarations of my affection for you” Spock said. Jim smiled softly, “ That long, huh?” he whispered and leaned in. Spock nodded and allowed himself another smile. They kissed, until the two older Vulcans came back, and Sarek send them both off to meditate before dinner.

* * *

Nyota approached the newly bonded couple with a little wave. To everyone’s surprise, she had decided to attend the ceremony after all. Her radiant smile widened as she stopped in front of them. “Congratulations” She said extending her hand to Jim. He took it “Lieutenant Uhura, glad you could make it.” She laughed. “Jim, It’s Nyota outside of duty” Jim looked surprised from Nyota to Spock, who raised an eyebrow. “I think you earned that right by now” she said. There were a lot of things she could have said to her former fiancee. Most of them would not be appropriate for the occasion, but the slight hardening of her eyes, when she briefly looked at Spock, conveyed her meaning without the need to say any of it. Jim felt a twinge of guilt through the bond, and squeezed Spock’s hand. Later the two men watched her dance close with the Chief Engineer. They left hand in hand as the party drew to an end. Jim felt Spock’s longing for his touch through the bond. It would have to wait until later; Jim’s mother was making her way over to them, her eyes stern, and reproachful. “I told you sleeping around would land you in trouble one day, Jimmy” she scolded while looking the couple up and down with a slight air of disapproval. “And Spock, could you not have bought him a better suit. He looks like he is attending a funeral, and not his own wedding. But you probably don’t notice what he is wearing anyway” she continued. The young Captain cringed at the tirade, and found himself drawing on all his diplomatic sense, as he spoke to the woman who had given birth to him. Now there, was a formidable opponent.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do feel free to comment. I appreciate all types of comments even if they are negative.


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